2. Educate yourself about the process and learn your options. While it is common to feel as though you have no control during a divorce, knowing what may lie ahead and what your options are will empower you to make thoughtful decisions about your future. You can feel more in control of your future with information. Schedule a meeting with an attorney. Many offer free consultations where they provide an overview of the process. Consult helpful and credible online resources, such as your Family Court and State's websites to keep you informed.
3. Identify your worst-case scenario and come to terms with it. You may have to let some things go, such as a house you've grown attached to. Work on seeing the upside of having a new place of your own. You may have to endure and ultimately accept changes like having less time with your kids. Think of the upside of having some much needed time for yourself.
4. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and banish (if temporarily) those who are unable or unwilling to offer support.
5. Seek professional legal help. The right divorce lawyer can make all the difference. Find an experienced divorce lawyer to educate you about the process and advocate for your rights. Make sure it's someone you feel comfortable with; you may end up spending a lot of time with this person, and you'll need to be completely honest and forthright.
6. Consult other professionals for help, such as therapists to help deal with any feelings of guilt, depression and anxiety you may experience as a result of the divorce process. Financial planners, real estate agents, and childcare professionals are also helpful resources.
7. Let go of blame, at least for now, and try to be objective. During a divorce, emotions run high, and it's tempting to blame your spouse for the position you find yourself in. Even if your spouse is to blame, or for that matter, even if you are to blame, now is not the time to focus on fault. During your divorce, you will need to make critical "business" decisions about your future. These decisions impact your children, and will involve your financial security. Although Courts consider spouses' actions in connection with making certain decisions, in the vast majority of cases they tend to care very little about who did what to whom. They often focus on a practical resolution. If you can do the same -- and it's difficult, no question -- you'll maximize your chances of obtaining the results you want.
When you finally emerge from your divorce (no doubt feeling dazed and tired), you'll be ready to face whatever lies ahead with your priorities intact. Your new happy ever after is a new beginning, and not The End.
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